To be in love is a feeling like nothing else, it overrides every other part of our person and can make us go against our reason, logic, plans and very nature. For love we do wild crazy things, it intensifies every waking moment and gives a purpose to life beyond simply living. Likewise loosing this feeling, or the person we love can bring unimaginable pain and disillusionment.
I have often wondered, debated with myself, the concept of ‘true love.’ Of there being one person out there who is perfect for us, who we should love at first sight and never part from. My heart would very much like to believe in this ideal, I am a romantic princess afterall and I love tales of true love and soul mates bound by Fate. However experience seems always to show me otherwise. I have seen people deeply in love with those who only ever hurt and use them, I have seen people leave their life partners only to find someone else far more perfect for them, and I wonder, maybe love is not as simple as we like to imagine it.
A very wise person once said to me ‘Love is when you care more for another’s happiness than your own’ and that is the only definition I have ever felt holds true. Love changes, from passion and desire to care and compassion and a deeper connection. I think sometimes when we loose the initial intoxicating feelings we think we no longer love the person who inspired them. Suddenly we start to question our relationship, what do they do to make us happy? What don’t they do? We see their flaws and find the gaps where they don’t meet our needs. To get past this, to find the love that lasts I wonder if maybe all we need to do is open our eyes and see the other person for who they are, flaws and all, and learn to love them for that. When simply seeing them smile makes us happy beyond measure, when we feel their pain as our own, isn’t that love?
I am sure there are many Princesses out there waiting for their Prince Charming. We can’t always choose who we love, but I truly believe everyone in this world can be loved and is worth loving. I think beneath the surface of appearance and persona there lies noble traits in each person; loyalty, compassion, empathy, kindness, honesty, courage. They might not be as obvious as sparkling blue eyes or playing the guitar, but they last the longest and give far greater rewards.
When I think about what I would love in a person, it is very simple, I think I would love someone whom I could tell anything to, share everything with and feel equally trusted by them. What I want most is to feel a connection, to feel understood and appreciated for who I am. In the old tales Princesses often set tasks for their suitors, to fight a dragon or find a treasure or count a thousand grains of sand. The test I would set would be to make me laugh, and also to make me cry.
What are your thoughts on love?
January 30th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I believe there is not One soulmate for everyone, but several. As people change in their lives, their view on the world and their loved one changes. Then it may happen that another person suits more to this changed person.
What I want in my lover is trust, honesty and humor. But also kindness and love for the world beyond me and him.
O and btw don’t wait for your Prince, princesses, sometimes you need to find him and not the other way around ;)
January 30th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I think I absolutely have to tell this as a fairy tale…it’s the only way it makes sense.
Once upon a time there was a Prince who was kind and fair and wise. He was the third son, and his two wicked stepbrothers did many terrible things to him. They pushed him, kicked him and hit him, and told lies about him all through the capital, until everyone thought the Prince was a mad fool. Worse than that, though, his stepbrothers, being masters of the dark arts, put a curse on him without his knowing. He nearly perished many times during his childhood, but through his own daring and the help of a certain kind fairy, the Prince managed to grow up. However, because of the lies the dark wizards had told, and also because of the curse, the Prince was very, very lonely.
One evening, he wished to meet his true love, and his fairy heard him. The fairy also heard a lovely Princess make the same wish at the same time, and contrived for them to meet the very next day. Predictably, they fell deeply in love and were married.
All was well with them until the first full moon, when, to the Princess’s horror, the Prince turned into a horrible beast and threatened her with his claws. Terrified, she fled, but returned an hour later to find that there was no beast, only the Prince himself. It was then that the Princess knew her husband was under a curse, and she set about trying to break it. She tried consulting witches and stitching shirts, kisses and hot wax and letting him sit on her pillow. Nothing worked, still the Prince transformed every full moon. Sometimes he even hurt her, and the Princess hid the marks and searched ever harder for a cure.
One full moon, the Prince as a beast shoved the Princess into a wall in front of the Dowager herself, and the Princess finally realized that it was not in her power to break the curse. The next day she told the Prince of the curse he was under and her inability to break it. At first, he did not believe her, but when he was banished from the palace, he realized that she would not lie about such a thing, and set off on a quest to break the curse himself. The Princess, her heart full of love and sadness, bid him farewell, and awaits his return and her happy ending to this day.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:35 am
As a child my one goal was to find someone to love. I always dreamt of a handsome prince to come whisk me away and was often rather envious of the Disney princesses when they found their prince!
After a recent breakup, my views on love have grown once again and I have a clearer idea as to what I’m looking for. I want someone who loves me exactly as I am, someone I can communicate with and connect with. I will not put up with feeling as though I have to be someone else to please another.
My views on love remain untarnished, I still believe that one day my prince will come. Even if I have to kiss a few frogs along the way ;).
January 31st, 2008 at 2:08 am
I think you’ve summed it up well. Especially the third paragraph - it’s easy to become disillusioned or start questioning the relationship at an especially critical or tense time. You can lose the happiness from simply seeing them smile or hearing them laugh if you focus too much on “what are they doing for me?” or how they’re failing to meet your standards. I think, though, this stems from ones own failure to accept them for who they are, and trying to change them (in most cases, anyway).
It’s hard, because love, and especially initial feelings of infatuation, can be so strong, but you shouldn’t rush things.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I think the one you love must above all be your best friend. The person you rush to tell news to first, the one you want to spend all of your time with, the one that you think about all the time, and who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with even though you face the reality of ups and downs. You have to be willing to try new things like a tango class, lol, and compromise with their interests too. I think love is laughter and comfort and discovering new things together and enjoying the world you make for yourselves.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Hm. Sometimes I am very cynical about love… but at my heart I am very romantic and sappy. I suppose I believe that there is true love, and ordinary love, but when you’re in love it’s impossible to tell them apart sometimes. Every love feels like true love to the person experiencing it, so it’s hard to tell. But I think true love is within everyone’s reach… maybe true love is the pearl inside of the oyster of the love we know every day, and we just have to be open enough in our hearts to be able to find it, instead of closing our hearts off into brittle and ugly shells…
February 1st, 2008 at 10:18 am
‘Love is when you care more for another’s happiness than your own’
I love this. I agree wholeheartedly. I struggle with that myself. There is a girl that I love deeply, but sometimes I become discouraged and angry because I know she does not love me. I know she probably won’t ever love me, but we are still best friends.
The best example of love that I can think of comes from Card Captor Sakura. Look at how Tomoyo treats Sakura. She loves her deeply, yet she contents herself with helping Sakura. She even helps her hook up with Li, because she knows Sakura loves Li.
That is love. That is how true love should be, and Tomoyo is actually one of my idols. I would love to be able to love as completely as Tomoyo does.
♥
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:04 am
My partner is a person that can’t possibly be called a “prince charming”. He’s totally different from how I am, he sometimes is lazy and I get really mad at him, he annoys me so much. He hurt me and I hurt him in the past, and it certainly wasn’t love at first sight.
But in the end every princess has to decide if she can connive all those imperfections of her prince, and that’s the moment when she realises that nobody can or will be perfect. But there’s somebody that is perfect FOR HER, even if it hurts and it’s not always a happy fairytale.
Going through everything together makes two people be bound together, not fate.
And I think that every princess can feel inside of her when the person that is perfect for her crosses her way.
Being in love is wonderful, but being together with a person means that the chances to be hurt deeply increase rapidly. But not being able to let go of a person that hurts you is a piece of true love.
I didn’t mean to write such depressing words, but I think a big part of love is about pain and bearing that pain. A princess becomes stronger with love, because she knows that there’s somebody on her side, even if he’s the cause of the pain, that will help her to go through it.
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:00 am
A lot of people use “love” as a reason to put up with far more than they should. Women who are beaten, punished, and live thoroughly unhappy lives use love and devotion as an answer and ending staying in misery, when really they are just scared to be alone, scared of what else is out there.
A lot of so called love is nothing more than habit. Getting used to spending all your time with one person and not knowing what to do without them.
Maybe it’s a silly belief, but being in “love” that’s worthy of your time and devotion, you should get just as much back, and the happy times should outweigh the bad. You should still be individual identities but want to be with each other often, and arguments should be about petty things.
Saying that, love screwed me over so I keep my distance now.
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
I just want to thank you all for the beautiful responses to this topic. It has been a pleasure reading your thoughts on love and I am truly inspired by the depth expressed. I hope you all have a magical Valentine’s Day this year!
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Oh, I wish life could be like in Disney movies! Especially like in Enchanted. “Just find who you love through true love’s kiss..” It would be so easy.
My view on love is that you have to know a person through-outly to be truly in love. If you have never seen your loved one crying, with out makeup etc., you cannot say that you love them for what they truly are. I’m still searching for my knight in shining armour, and it’s not easy ;)
My test would be to make me laugh, and to make me stop crying. I know too many who already have made me cry.
Have a lovely Valentine’s Day!
February 4th, 2008 at 7:25 am
I think there are more than one true love. We can’t forget angels! I think everybody has two true loves: the one and unique angel and the Prince Charmming. Love is something we can not describe with simple words, perhaps we can do it and try to do our best. Skye, you have written about something that not all persons in this world can write… and that fulfills me :3
As for me, you know part of my story. I would like to write more, but my mother is listening to some music and I can’t concentrate ^^’. I will write about the topic more later and will make you notice :3