I think it takes a lot of confidence to be a Princess, even more so if you dress in lolita or another minority fashion. Unfortunately I know a lot of girls struggle with this, and I did for a long time myself. It was only when I finished school and started to discover who I was, and think about who I wanted to be that I learnt to have faith in myself, in going after what I wanted I learnt a few lessons about confidence, and found the more I believed in myself the more I could achieve!

Self confidence is not something you can aquire overnight, it takes more than a new hair cut to change the way we feel about ourselves. I think the idea that some people are just shy and others are talkative and outgoing is a myth. I believe that we choose how introverted or extroverted we wish to be, although one may come more naturally and the other take more effort. Being confident doesn’t have to mean you’re loud though, I have met people who speak very little but when they do everyone listens, and I think they’re probably more secure than some who feel the need to talk all the time. There is a definite balance when it comes to confidence, its important to have a high sense of self worth, but also to maintain humilty.

Learn to accept compliments. You probably don’t realise how many people out there think you’re a great person and want you to be more confident. Genuine compliments are like gifts, they should be appreciated and not refused. It always upsets me when I go out of my way to compliment someone, whether it be on their style, talent or kind nature only to be refuted with “Oh, I’m not good really. I’m stupid/ugly/boring..” This is a false modesty, denying compliments says to the other person that you don’t appreciate their kind words. If you deny a compliment when you obviously believe it’s true it can also come off as conceited. There is nothing wrong with accepting compliments graciously, a simple “Thank you so much for noticing!” will make you both feel good and show that you really appreciate their interest. It doesn’t hurt to return compliments either, much like gift giving, it goes both ways. Learn to accept criticism gracefully too, this is much harder, but try not to let it affect you personally. Thank the person for their help (even if its phrased in an unhelpful way) and respond to it logically, not emotionally.

Admit to your mistakes and learn from them. People with low self confidence usually react to mistakes they make in one of two ways, they cover it up as fast as possible, hoping noone will notice - or - they use it as an excuse to criticise and put themselves down, to reaffirm their belief that they can’t achieve anything. Accepting your mistakes can be tough, but its the only way to make them in to a positive experience. Everything that goes wrong in our lives can teach us a lesson, look for the lesson and find a way to avoid making the same mistake again. When you realise where you went wrong, you will find the confidence to try again!

Take chances! Confident Princesses go after their dreams, even when doing so means leaving the safety of their comfort zones. Throughout our lives, opportunities are presented to us that can bring big changes, and changes are scary, but sometimes its better to take that leap and chase after happiness than to stay on our current paths and miss out. One of my favourite lines from Shimotsuma Monogatari is this “Humans are cowards in the face of happiness. It takes courage to hold on to happiness.”

Do what you believe is right. Too often we let other’s thoughts and opinions decide how we behave. This is the hardest, but most important lesson to learn - stop letting your concern for what others think of you control you. Notice that I didn’t say ‘don’t care what others think’ ? I don’t think its really possible to completely stop caring about other’s opinions, for example the opinions of our friends and family are very important to us, sometimes we do need to listen to their advice. In the end though we make our own choices in life, and making the choices that feel right to you is far more important than pleasing others or fitting a social norm. Whether its the colour you want to dye your hair or your career choice, have the confidence to follow your heart. Some of the greatest minds in history were once thought to be mad, but they believed in themselves and their ideas even when noone else did.

When I first decided to wear lolita out, it was only a small trip, a walk to the library and shops about thirty minutes away. None the less, I was scared! I was afraid of what others would think or say. I went to the door to leave three times before I actually got out of it! I’m really glad I did though, because now I enjoy wearing lolita out and about and feel far more confident in my style. Sometimes being confident is just a matter of finding courage, you still feel the fear but then you say to yourself “Right, I’m just going to do this!” and its usually not as bad as you expected ^_~

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008 at 6:01 pm and is filed under Princess Lessons. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.