I’ve recently recieved a few questions on conversation, how to start one with a stranger and how to turn a conversation around if its going the wrong way. Good conversational skills are a great asset to any Princess, you never know when you’ll need to address someone with grace and composure and show them just how intelligent, thoughtful and confident you are.
Of course its not always easy, I have this problem too sometimes! Even the most confident amoung us will have shy moments, or people whom we feel awkward around, and when you’re thrown in to a room where you know few people it can be very stressful unless you’re well prepared! Here are a few little tips to practise in such situations.
First of all, always be aware of your body language. The way you stand and hold yourself will give off a very strong impression to those around you. If you slouch and hold your head down, you will look shy or frightened, if you cross your arms you might seem unapproachable. Stand tall, with good posture, and have your arms apart, sometimes its good to have something to hold like a glass or handbag, this makes you feel less awkward. Have a relaxed attitude and smile! When you talk to someone make eye contact with them and nod or gesture to show you’re paying attention. Try not appear too stiff and don’t be afraid to laugh! (If you want to look a little more elegant cover your mouth with one hand when you do so.)
Sometimes starting conversations or finding topics to talk about can be tricky. Keep an eye out for objects you can use as cues and conversation starters. A book on the table, an interesting painting. Start off with a question ‘Oh, have you read this book?’ or ‘What do you think of that painting’ and try and relate to it in some way, don’t be afraid to ask them more questions if they seem interested, and try to avoid closed yes/no questions in favour of open questions where people can express their thoughts and opinions. Another good tactic is to bring a conversation piece with you! An interesting bag or piece of jewelry or a hat. Wearing something with a story behind it gives you an instant starting topic, and people are more likely to approach you and ask about it!
There are some little faux pas that its a good idea to avoid in conversations, especially with people you do not know well. They’re not exactly ‘bad’ but might make the conversation more difficult or likely to end faster. One is to to contradict or flatly disagree with the other person, instead offer your opinion without telling them they are wrong, be open minded and accepting of their different ideas. Don’t talk for too long without pausing or letting the other person offer their thoughts, keep asking them questions and making them feel included in the conversation. Also, avoid mentioning or asking about anything too personal unless you know the person very well and the situation is suitable.
Make the conversation about them! Most people like to talk about themselves, or what they’re doing or are interested in. Ask some non-confrontational questions about the other person, what movies or music they like, what they do for a living, if they have any pets. When you hit on something they seem to enjoy talking about, keep going with that topic and show your interest with open questions and good eye contact. Compliments never hurt either, as long as they are sincere and well placed. For example ‘You seem to know a lot about …’ or ‘I really like your jacket.’ Suddenly telling someone that they have beautiful eyes might not be as appropriate.
The biggest tip I can give though, is to always be positive. Others are naturally drawn to positive people who put off a good energy, seem happy and easy to talk to. Be optimistic and spirited, talk about what you do like rather than what you don’t. Discuss good news rather than bad and give the other person positive feedback and lots of smiles!
I hope this lesson has been helpful to the Princesses who asked about it, and if you have any good tips to share please let me know! I believe that conversational skills are something that can be developed and learnt and I’m always looking for ways to improve.
Other topics:
Thank you so much! I’m going to go to college soon and will be meeting a lot of brand new people, but I have a bad habit of being cold, negative, or overly sarcastic (especially towards men ^^; ). So I’ll be studying this and practicing… this Princess Lesson couldn’t have had come at a better time! ^^
Thank you. I always have problems when meeting new people, but it got better with the years. I really like the way you express in your articles. They always make me feel understood, for you express what I have been feeling for a long time and didn’t quite know how to grab it. You are a wonderful inspiration. Thanks. Please keep up doing this!
I am in the same situation as Kagitsune, and this will be a great help. Though my problem usually is that I am really shy or say the wrong things, this is exactly what I needed! Thank you so much for writing this
Thank you for this lesson!
I’m rather shy around new people, and even though I’ve learned to loosen up a bit, I still get awkward around new people and keep on wondering what they think of me which is pretty childish but oh well…
This is a wonderful lesson! Conversation truely should be treated as an ‘art’, as it can lead to or keep one from many oppertunities.
I think the only point I might add is always to think about what you say in coversation, and to choose words carefully. I have found myself overzealous to say something many a time, mostly as an effort to overcome shyness, and as a result said things I didn’t mean. It is better to have no answer at all than to blurt out any old thing. Sometimes, there is just nothing to say at that time!
Thank you again, Princess, for such sound advice!
Really helpful, Skye! By the way, the link isn’t working :S is the website under construction? o.o