.the princess portal.

photo by OiMax

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. - Audrey Hepburn

True beauty, the sort of beauty that lasts through the years and does not fade, that is found primarily in the heart but leaves its traces on the eyes, the smile, the manners of a Princess, comes only and purely through loving others and accepting the love you are given.

It is quite certain that in seeing the people who treat us so well despite their own misfortune, we are more obliged than ever to work hard for their happiness. - Marie Antoinette

True friends make time for you even when they are weighed down by their own issues and troubles. The compassion shown to you by others is a real treasure, and it is our duty to return it in kind. Go out of your way to make the people in your life feel special and loved, even if you’re having a bad day.

I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved. I know that I can give love for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, for a month, but I can give. I am very happy to do that, I want to do that. - Princess Diana

We have many needs in life, food, water, shelter, safety and we also need love. There is a sort of poverty in not feeling loved and accepted. Remember that you can never give too much love, your heart will not be used up. The more love you give away freely, may it be so simple as a warm smile, the more love you have to give.

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying. - Joan of Arc

Life is so so short and precious. To live a single day pretending to be someone you’re not, without believing in ourselves and eachother is such a waste. Be proud of who you are, stand up for what you believe in even if other people criticise you for it. Better to be true to yourself than to live under the pressure of other people’s opinions and expectations.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

We often lament that there is so much wrong with the world, that nothing we could do would make a difference and seem but the tiniest drop in the ocean. That is what the ocean is made up of after all, tiny drops. You can make a difference, just the smallest act of kindness creates countless little ripples that have greater effect than the grandest good intention.

Often when it comes to achieving our goals we become our own worst enemy. Really its not that we are incapable of achieving what we desire, or that other people or circumstances are preventing us but simply that we lack the self discipline to make things happen.

Now, I’m not naturally a very disciplined person. My head is always off in the clouds and I tend to give in to temptation far too easily. I always have lots of new ideas coming to mind and I will rush off to start new projects leaving the old ones unfinished. This used to frustrate me a lot. I felt that I could never go through with anything I started, so why bother trying? I knew that if I tried to avoid a bad habit, I would give in eventually anyway, so what was the point?

The truth is, self discipline, much like organization is something you can train yourself in to. Even if you’re a cloud watching Princess like me!

• Stop blocking yourself. This is the first thing that has to go. If you’re going to achieve something you need to believe that you can do it. Every time a thought comes up that says ‘Oh, I’ll never find time for that.’ ‘I’m not good enough at it anyway.’ or ‘I can’t be bothered, what’s the point?’ stop that thought right there! Change it to something positive, say to yourself ‘I’m going to do this and I will feel great about myself when I’ve achieved it!’ Catching your negative thought patterns and turning them around is the first step to preparing yourself for action.
• Prioritize. Seriously, if you have a million commitments and you’re falling behind on all of them then the last thing you want to do is multitask. You will just get more stressed and end up finishing little bits of everything and completing nothing. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you feel you should be doing right now, homework, chores, personal projects etc. Now number that list in order of how important each item is, both to you and the other people who might be waiting on it.
• Focus. Now that you have a list of everything you need to do, its time to knock them off one by one and this requires focus. Take number one on the list and direct all of your attention towards that, do as much as you can right now to complete it and only then move on to the next thing. You may be quite capable of doing several things at once (its a terribly bad habit of mine as well!) but you will do a far better job if you can focus your attention and efforts.
• Reward yourself. Discipline and reward go hand in hand. The more disciplined you are, the more you achieve the more rewarding it is! There is certainly some satisfaction to a productive day, but it doesn’t hurt to treat yourself a little either. Go for a nice walk, watch a movie, eat a bowl of ice cream, relax and do something you enjoy. All things in moderation, including discipline, if you don’t take time off you will burn out!
• A word about habits. The bad habit I’ve discussed most in this lesson is Procrastination. Something almost all of us suffer from and the thing that often requires a good deal of Self Discipline. There are other habits we might be trying to break though, smoking, eating unhealthy food, destructive relationships, biting our nails. Most of these tips can be applied to any bad habit you are trying to discipline yourself out of. Stop the negative thoughts of “I’ll never be able to give it up,” prioritize your life and decide how important it is to you and others, focus on your intention and don’t give up until you achieve it, then reward yourself for your success, with something other than that temptation!

I will tell you a little secret, the greatest thing about ‘getting things done’ through self discipline, is that the more you achieve the more faith and confidence you have in yourself that you can actually go through with what you start! I never thought I would still be running this blog almost two years down the track, but knowing that I have makes me realize that I can stay focused and fulfill whatever goals I set myself. That is a huge reward in itself!

A Princess leads a very busy life. She has to attend all sorts of events, from parties to ceremonies to tea with the Queen. Her various duties keep her busy every day and she must make time for lessons and charity work and a little time for herself! Sometimes all of this can be a bit daunting, I know it causes me a lot of stress when there are a hundred things I need to do and I worry I might forget something.

This is why its so very important to be organized. I am not a naturally organized person myself, I tend to daydream too much and not pay attention to practical things, my desk is always messy and my chambers tend to get a bit untidy if I’ve had a busy week. However I do make an effort to keep my life organized. I feel this is very important not only because I have so many commitments but also because it helps me to take the little steps necessary to follow my dreams and goals.

The Inbox. Gone are the days when our mail was brought to the breakfast table on a silver platter. Now we wake up to an inbox full of electronic mail that needs our attention. I have four different email addresses, my Princess Portal email, my private email, my work email and one I use for notifications from various social networking sites. I stream all of these in to Outlook which has a few handy features that make it easier for me to organize my mail. I have separate folders for things like ‘Ask the Princess’ questions and competition entries. I also make use of the red flag system to pin emails that need responding to at the top of my inbox and check them off when they’re done.

To do Lists. I have a terrible short term memory so I always keep To-do lists. Usually I make one up each morning in my little notebook and list everything I need to get done that day. The sense of achievement I have as I tick each one off makes me feel productive and it helps to remind me of some of the less exciting jobs as well. Sometimes if I don’t finish my list in one day I will carry over the tasks to the next day. Lately I’ve been splitting my tasks into different categories such as ‘Chores’, ‘Errands’ and ‘Princess Duties’ (tasks for the portal!) If I have any quiet patches in my day I just reach for my notebook and find something that needs to be done.

Weekly Schedule. Another thing I can’t live without is my weekly schedule. It has a section for each day in which I can write the times I’m working, any appointments or classes I have and the times and locations for parties, performances, lunches and other events. Whether you use a calendar, diary or organizer for this I think its a great way to keep track of what you have coming up to to make sure you don’t double book anything!

Address Book. This is something that I don’t have but really should! Its common for us to separate our contact details, keep email addresses in our contact list, phone numbers in our cell phone and addresses scribbled quickly on a piece of paper or napkin. Keeping in touch with friends and family is important though, so having all their details in one place is very handy. It helps when planning invite lists or if you just want to send someone flowers for their birthday.

Check Lists. Slightly different to To-do lists, Check lists are for things that you do every day. Many work places have these lists for opening and closing procedures and if you work from home, run a blog or simply have a lot of commitments each day you may find them very useful. I find its best if they’re printed out or written on a nice piece of paper and pinned up somewhere you will see and read them each day. It can also help to phrase them as questions, like a friendly little reminder from yourself. A Check List for Princess Portal might read: Have you filed your emails? Replied to comments? Made a new post? Updated Twitter? Checked Facebook notifications? etc.

I’m actually reorganizing my system at the moment, and combining my To do Lists and Weekly Schedule in to the one notebook to make it more convenient. I always love finding new ways to simplify and organize my life, and tend to be happier and more positive when I’m not stressed about unfinished tasks. What techniques do you use to stay organized?

photo by Hamed Masoumi

This Princess Lesson is not so much about a virtue or noble trait, but about a way of looking at the world and living that encompasses many of the ideals we associate with being a Princess. Its also a concept worth considering and embracing, something I try to apply to every aspect of my life, not always successfully but with great rewards!

Living Openly means not closing yourself off to anything. We can be true to ourselves and stand by our principles but still be flexible. It is not an easy way to exist, and in fact it can be a bit of a roller coaster because by living this way you tend to experience a lot more, the good and the bad, and grow a lot faster! Above all else, Living Openly means being receptive of change, in all aspects of your life.

• Having an Open Heart. We meet so many people in our lives, every day we see new faces, make acquaintances, deepen bonds with existing friends. Sometimes, if we live in big cities, we are so surrounded by people we no longer see them as individuals, they’re just crowds. The truth is that every one of us is unique and beautiful in our own way, with flaws and strengths that make us whole. Everyone you meet is worth knowing, has a story to tell and something to teach you. Being Open Hearted means not filtering out the masses, but being open and receptive of others. It means listening and caring, making an effort even if you’re not getting anything out of it. To have an open heart is to accept people as they are, to accept their kindness and attention and to give something back. No one is beneath your notice, no one is insignificant. Every one is worth your time, attention and love.

• Being Open to Experiences. Have you ever done something that you previously believed you couldn’t or wouldn’t do? Breaking down the walls we put up about what we’re capable of and what we’re ready for can be exhilarating. Sometimes its the very experiences we avoid that become life changing and so very important in forming who we are. Stop saying ‘I’d never do that’ or ‘I can’t do that’ and try! Go skiing, bake your own bread, run a marathon, make friends with a stranger, learn ballroom dancing, challenge yourself and be open to the new experiences and opportunities that present themselves to you. Some you will discover aren’t for you after all, but you will learn so much more in the process than by staying within your own comfort zone.
  

• Having an Open Mind. Having strong ideals and opinions is great, it gives us grounding and strength of character, however its important to also be open to new ideas and to changing our minds when we learn and experience things that challenge our current perception of the world. Part of this is being open to criticism, and also open to debate and discussion. If you are true to your ideals then you shouldn’t feel threatened by those that disagree, but rather be open to learning and adapting and changing those ideas so that they are like a tree, rooted in firm ground but always putting out new branches and leaves.
  

• Being Open with Yourself. I think this is the toughest part of being Open. Sometimes its harder to be open and honest with yourself than with other people. There are many things we don’t like to admit to ourselves, our real wants and motivations, our flaws, our mistakes. The crazy thing is that we spend so much effort hiding things or glossing them over to protect our egos and in the process we’re only hurting ourselves and making it harder to discover and be who we really are. Make time to spend on your own, and really think about some of the things you’re not admitting or repressing. Chances are if you’re open to these thoughts and feelings you will be able to understand and work through them rather than brushing them under the rug.

The world is a pretty amazing place, its a bit of a mess but its still full of beautiful people and fascinating ideas and thrilling experiences and at the centre of that world is You. An incredible person living out their own fairy tale and learning a little bit about who they are each and every day. Be Open to all of this, you’ll get hurt, you’ll create your own happiness and you’ll know what its like to really be alive.

photo by david lytle

I receive a lot of questions from people in different situations asking me how they can feel like a Princess in an otherwise mundane world. Whether its at school, work or travelling, sometimes its hard to feel like royalty when you can’t control your environment. I work in an office myself, and have previously been to college so I can definitely understand this! Here are a few basic ideas I try and keep in mind.

1. Act like a Princess. The simplest and most effective way to feel like a Princess, is simply to act as one. On the Portal we talk a lot about the virtues of a Princess, things like grace, courage and kindness. Put some of these in to practice each day, be the most beautiful person you can be from the inside out and treat others as royalty as well. Address little daily situations with a calm composure and if it helps, think ‘How would a Princess behave?’ Maintain your dignity with good posture and manners and you’ll find the more you act like Nobility, the more you are treated that way!

2. Dress like a Princess. This doesn’t necessarily mean wearing full ball gowns and tiaras to work or school. However, I find that dressing up a little helps to keep me in the Princess mind set. Dress in a way that makes you feel gorgeous, whether its a pretty sun dress, jeans and a cute t-shirt or full lolita fashion. Looking after your appearance and presentation gives you a confidence boost and gives you a way of expressing your inner beauty on the outside. If you have to wear a uniform or dress code, try doing your hair or wearing cute accessories. Have fun creating your own Princess Style!

3. Use your imagination. The world can seem like a pretty dull place if you don’t use a bit of creativity. Certainly, you may feel your life is far from a fairy tale, but you can probably find elements about it that are a little bit magical if you use your imagination. Whenever I refer to my parent’s as the King and Queen or my home as the Palace here on PP, that is not literal, that’s my way of interpreting my world through a more fanciful view. Its a lot of fun when you get the hang of it! You might like to read Castles in the Air for more tips.

4. Treat yourself. I am a very spoilt Princess. Not because I have anyone else buying me things or treating me, but because I pamper myself! I think all Princesses need a bit of luxury in their lives, and it doesn’t have to cost the world. Indulging yourself is about recognizing that you are an amazing person who deserves to be looked after and treated from time to time. If you’re having a down day, give yourself a little pick-me-up, it might be as simple as buying an ice cream cone or taking a walk in the park. Bubble baths and massages are great too, but one of my favourite treats is actually getting a new book from the library or renting a movie to watch, neither of which cost much at all.

5. See the beauty. Even without using our imaginations, the world is an incredibly beautiful place. Often we shut ourselves off in our own little worlds, in the cycling thoughts inside our heads. We plug music in to our ears, drift off and miss all the magical things happening around us. Try using your senses. Everywhere you go, or even where you are right now. What can you hear? See? Touch? Smell? Notice the little things, flowers growing in cracks through the pavement, birds calling to each other, the smile of a stranger, the music of a busker, the scent of fresh bread. Whenever I talk about ‘childlike wonder’ this is what I mean, experiencing the world for what it is, really looking and listening and taking it all in. The more beauty you find in the world around you, the more love for life you’ll feel and then it becomes very easy to feel like a Princess.

What little ways do you have for feeling like a Princess each day?

photo by daniel martini

Courage and bravery are not virtues that everyone naturally associates with Princesses. They are expected to be saved by some dashing Prince or Knight not to face fear themselves, right? Actually, being a Princess takes an awful lot of guts.

Being a Princess means having the courage to be true to yourself, to stand up for what you believe in, to protect others, to lead by example and to always show the world your best, no matter how difficult things get. Sometimes courage isn’t facing down wild beasts, but speaking to a room full of strangers. We may not be slaying dragons, but it can take just as much strength to stand up for who you are and what you believe in when others are judging you.

Courage is not being fearless, it is feeling afraid and facing the things you fear head on, doing them anyway. Sometimes our courage is tested by events in our life, and sometimes we must actively seek out those things we fear, rather than avoiding them, because that is how we grow and learn, faster than anything else.

I know in my life, if there is something I’m really afraid of, it will catch up with me eventually. If I try to run away from it, I’m not really living, I don’t grow, I only step backwards. The moment I turn and face it, thats when I’m really alive. They say things are never as bad as you fear, and I don’t necessarily believe that. Sometimes they’re exactly as bad as you fear, or worse, but they’re never the end of the world. Once you conquer your fear, and are able to let go of it, you realise just how strong you are.

So how do you get to that point? How do you find the courage within yourself to do what you feel you can not do? A large part of it is self confidence, being happy with who you are and knowing that whatever happens, you’re still an amazing, beautiful person. Thats not always an easy thing to achieve though, so here are a few ideas to ponder.

• You’re not alone No matter how stong we seem, all of us have fears and weaknesses. Every person you meet, even if they’re confident and wise and experienced in life will still have grey areas that they have not dealt with yet. Some of these are linked to experiences we’ve had in the past, others are unexplained phobias. Being afraid is not a bad thing, it actually shows you have room and potential to grow and people who have many fears, often have the most compassion and care. They’re timid because they care so much about what happens and the effect their actions have on others. Remember that you’re not the only one who feels fear, and if others can find courage to overcome theirs, so can you!

• The darker it is the brighter you shine. The purpose of fear is to test us. When you find something in your life that you’re scared to face, whether its moving to an unfamiliar city, learning to drive, public speaking or standing up for your decisions in the face of criticism, that fear shows just how important the situation is to you and that this is a challenge where you have the chance to pull all that brightness and beauty inside of you together and really shine. When things are at their worst, thats when our spirit really shows through, those are the moments that define who we are.

• Take little steps. Overcoming your fears is not an easy process for anyone, if it was then it wouldn’t be worthwhile. Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith, but at other times it is something we can achieve bit by bit, taking little steps to tackle something bigger. You don’t always have to jump in with both feet. Courage is often strongest when its built up over a long period of time, its hard to shake that kind of confidence.

• Acknowledge your growth Think about things you’ve done in the past, things you’ve been afraid of but went through with after all. How did you feel after you’d achieved them? Relieved? Exhilerated? Powerful? If you think about it, you can probably see what you learned from those experiences and put that knowledge to use in the future. You are probably a lot braver than you realise.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt

photo by pchee

Wishes are curious things, I’ve always made wishes. I’m not good with goals, dreams, desires. I never quite know what I want, but wishes I can do. There’s a little bit of a trick to wishing, of course you can just close your eyes and say it in your mind, but those don’t always come true. Wishing is an art, there are rules, techniques. The first one is fairly well known; Don’t tell anyone. Secret wishes are infinitely more powerful. Why? Because the moment you tell someone you expose your fragile little wish to someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s expectations and assumptions. It can take only the slightest huff of disbelief or scorn from them to blow out your wish, like a candle. Don’t let anyone else blow out your birthday candles.

The second rule is to not want it too much. For some reason the universe has a way of making it very difficult for us to get things that we want too much. Perhaps because if they were to come easily, we’d cease to have a reason to keep moving, we’d cease to exist. Wishing is wanting something just enough to make it real, but not so much that you’d give up your soul for it. You have to want it with a little part of you, but not want it with all your might. Let it float somewhere in the back of your mind, hide it under a few memories and issues if you can, like a letter stuffed in a sock drawer. Reserve a little space in your heart for it, a guest room, an attic, but don’t let it consume you.

The third rule, and the hardest one, is that you have to believe it will come true. There is a difference between wanting something and believing in it. You can want something so badly it hurts, but still believe deep down that its impossible. You have to believe in wishes like you believe in trees. Trees are there, they’re not something you question, they just exist and always have. You can (hopefully) walk outside a little way and see one. Wishes have to be like that, unquestionable, something you just know at the core of your being to be real. Something that could come true next sunday, or tonight or right now. You could probably wish for the ability to fly, and have it come true, if you could utterly convince yourself beyond the tiniest wriggling worm of doubt that it was possible.

photo by ninjapoodles

The best wish making opportunities rely on a combination of chance, skill and timing. Birthdays remain the single best day of the year for wishing, if the universe owes you something thats usually a good time to collect. Full moons are good too, and twilight, in between times, times where the air tastes a little different and anything seems possible. Firsts are excellent for wishes, first stars, first teeth, first kisses. Wishes are very light things, candles, dandelion heads, eyelashes, it seems a single breath has the power to carry your wish to wherever it needs to go. Blow softly and close your eyes. Personally, I like catching things. A leaf floating down from a tree, a feather from the sky, a drop of rain on my tounge, all before they hit the ground. Wishes straight from heaven.

Once you’ve made your wish, once that tiny moment of fragile magic is over, forget about it. Hide it away, somewhere out of sight and don’t think about it anymore. Don’t make the same wish twice, just let it go on its way, trust it and maybe, just maybe with a little luck and wonder you’ll wake up one day and find it has come true.

This above all else,
to thine own self be true. - William Shakespeare

We are often told things like ‘It will be all right, just be yourself’ or ‘be yourself and you’ll be fine’ as if this were a simple thing to do. In fact for most of us, there is nothing harder than being ourselves and we spend much of our lives trying to discover just who we are inside and how to be true to that person.

In every situation we are faced with, we choose to respond in a certain way. This is sometimes called being ‘in character.’ When a person is acting in character they are behaving as we would expect them to, in accordance with the image we have of them in our minds. You may notice that this sounds a lot like theatre, acting characters and roles to fulfill the story the audience wishes to see. That is exactly so, a good deal of our actions and choices are predetermined by our own and others expectations of us. This does not make them false, but it does take away some of our freedom and can prevent us from ever really going any deeper, uncovering our true thoughts and dreams.

So what is the true self and where do we find it? There is no easy answer. However, I believe that there are a few things that can help to bring us closer to this reality, to see beyond our own masks and realise who we are underneath it all.

The first is Honesty. Not just telling the truth to others, though this is also important, but real, brutal honesty with ourselves. It takes a lot of courage to admit what we are truly feeling and why. We spend so much time and energy trying to cover up our thoughts and feelings, to explain them and give reasons for our behavior but never really confront the issues that burn inside. Sometimes we ignore them or run from them, we might try to fight them or bury them with a thousand distractions. This does not make them go away, and it harms us in the end. Not dealing with our true feelings, carrying them around inside our hearts without ever really facing them only makes them harder to bear. To confront these thoughts and feelings, to be painfully, beautifully honest and to forgive oneself is the only way to be free of them and discover who we really are.

It is said the best way to learn anything, is to experience it. This is also true of being our selves. We are presented with opportunities and experiences every day and through being fully aware of these and striving to live completely and experience everything that is on offer we learn so much about who we are inside. When we are faced with challenges and difficulties, we learn how strong we are. From the experiences we share with others, we learn how much we can love. Through making mistakes, we become wiser. Life constantly uncovers new aspects of our inner selves, and at the same time it changes and creates us.

One of the greatest threats to our True selves is our need for acceptance. The desire to be wanted, appreciated, loved, praised by others and to be proud of who we are. Often we feel like we need to create something, to reach some goal or become some image to be worthy of this. The truth is, you are already perfect the way you are. Every one of us deserves to be accepted exactly as we are today, and while we can’t control the way others treat us, we can chose to accept ourselves. When we do this, we find amazingly that there are other people who can accept us as well, not everyone, but the ones that are really worth knowing, those who can love us just as we are.

‘Being yourself’ is scary, it really is for all of us. It requires a great deal of trust and faith in others, the world and ourselves. Its not something we can achieve overnight, its a lifelong struggle, but the most rewarding one of all. As we come closer to our true selves we find that we can also love and accept others, that the world is not such a bad place and that happiness is far simpler and easier to grasp than we would ever have believed. It doesn’t protect us from being hurt, or make life a picnic, but it does make it more real, and beautiful and fulfilling. It makes us more alive.

I’ve recently recieved a few questions on conversation, how to start one with a stranger and how to turn a conversation around if its going the wrong way. Good conversational skills are a great asset to any Princess, you never know when you’ll need to address someone with grace and composure and show them just how intelligent, thoughtful and confident you are.

Of course its not always easy, I have this problem too sometimes! Even the most confident amoung us will have shy moments, or people whom we feel awkward around, and when you’re thrown in to a room where you know few people it can be very stressful unless you’re well prepared! Here are a few little tips to practise in such situations.

First of all, always be aware of your body language. The way you stand and hold yourself will give off a very strong impression to those around you. If you slouch and hold your head down, you will look shy or frightened, if you cross your arms you might seem unapproachable. Stand tall, with good posture, and have your arms apart, sometimes its good to have something to hold like a glass or handbag, this makes you feel less awkward. Have a relaxed attitude and smile! When you talk to someone make eye contact with them and nod or gesture to show you’re paying attention. Try not appear too stiff and don’t be afraid to laugh! (If you want to look a little more elegant cover your mouth with one hand when you do so.)

Sometimes starting conversations or finding topics to talk about can be tricky. Keep an eye out for objects you can use as cues and conversation starters. A book on the table, an interesting painting. Start off with a question ‘Oh, have you read this book?’ or ‘What do you think of that painting’ and try and relate to it in some way, don’t be afraid to ask them more questions if they seem interested, and try to avoid closed yes/no questions in favour of open questions where people can express their thoughts and opinions. Another good tactic is to bring a conversation piece with you! An interesting bag or piece of jewelry or a hat. Wearing something with a story behind it gives you an instant starting topic, and people are more likely to approach you and ask about it!

There are some little faux pas that its a good idea to avoid in conversations, especially with people you do not know well. They’re not exactly ‘bad’ but might make the conversation more difficult or likely to end faster. One is to to contradict or flatly disagree with the other person, instead offer your opinion without telling them they are wrong, be open minded and accepting of their different ideas. Don’t talk for too long without pausing or letting the other person offer their thoughts, keep asking them questions and making them feel included in the conversation. Also, avoid mentioning or asking about anything too personal unless you know the person very well and the situation is suitable.

Make the conversation about them! Most people like to talk about themselves, or what they’re doing or are interested in. Ask some non-confrontational questions about the other person, what movies or music they like, what they do for a living, if they have any pets. When you hit on something they seem to enjoy talking about, keep going with that topic and show your interest with open questions and good eye contact. Compliments never hurt either, as long as they are sincere and well placed. For example ‘You seem to know a lot about …’ or ‘I really like your jacket.’ Suddenly telling someone that they have beautiful eyes might not be as appropriate.

The biggest tip I can give though, is to always be positive. Others are naturally drawn to positive people who put off a good energy, seem happy and easy to talk to. Be optimistic and spirited, talk about what you do like rather than what you don’t. Discuss good news rather than bad and give the other person positive feedback and lots of smiles!

I hope this lesson has been helpful to the Princesses who asked about it, and if you have any good tips to share please let me know! I believe that conversational skills are something that can be developed and learnt and I’m always looking for ways to improve.

Speaking of conversations, I recently did an interview with the lovely M. Elizabeth of Bright Young Thing blog. If you like, you can read it here.

This month is looking a little sparse isn’t it? I apologise that my updates have been rather erratic, I’ve had a lot going on in my life and thoughts recently and have found it hard to focus enough to write a decent post. One of the things I have been thinking of is how precious friendship is, and how much I value those people who have come in to my life and helped me grow so much. This lesson is not so much covering how to be a good friend (which would take more than one post I think!) but suggesting a few little things you might like to do to show your friends how much you care.

Listen. I think a lot of our problems can be solved if we simply have the opportunity to get them off our chest, to share our burdens with understanding friends who give us this gift, to just listen with open minds and hearts. Listening is a great skill, and its not something we’re all that good at. It requires us to empathise, reflect and support the person who is talking to us, and not to judge or instruct or give advice (unless it’s asked for) sometimes, the greatest thing you can do for a friend is to give them a shoulder to cry on.

Give time, for time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart. - Michael Ende. Time is the most precious thing we have, more than money or posessions or words, giving some of our time to spend with friends and sharing our lives with them is rewarding and deepens our connections. Sometimes it feels like we’re so busy, and have so much to do that we couldn’t possibly spare time to see anyone, that is when it is most important to drop everything and go see your friends.

The most beautiful little acts of Friendship are those you do ‘just because.’ A phone call out of the blue to say ‘hi!’, inviting them for a walk on the weekend or coffee after work. Friends don’t need excuses to spend time together, to check up on eachother or to simply have a bit of fun. Be spontaneous, send your best friend a message right now telling them how great you think they are!

This is something I value very highly, loyalty. I think promises made between friends, secrets kept and obligations met are the things that hold friendships together and make both parties feel valued and respected. Its not always easy, but its when these values are betrayed that friendships fall apart. Think about how you would like to be treated in every situation and give as much respect to your friends feelings as your family or partners.

Say thank you. Its not something we often think to do, and it can be so easy to take people for granted, knowing they’ll always be there and you can rely on them. However it only takes a few words, a little gesture to show someone how much you care. Even friends who just have fun together in a carefree way are valuable. You’ll never know how much it means to them that you treasure their friendship.

I hope you’re all having a beautiful week and thank you for your patience and understanding. I hope to be back to my regular routine here very soon