.the princess portal.

photo by Jesse Draper

There comes a time for many of us who follow a particular fashion, when we feel ready to move on, stretch our wings and try something new. It can be a little sad as one feels they are leaving behind fond memories and good times, but it is also very exciting! You have the chance to start with a blank slate (or dress rather!) and create something that is perfectly you.

Having myself moved on from wearing Lolita fashion regularly to only now and then, and mixing it in with the rest of my wardrobe I’ve discovered a few interesting ways that Lolita changes your fashion sense, and so I’d like to share some tips for recreating your own fashion style and aesthetic. I hope these will also be useful to Princesses developing their own unique style.

• Understanding the Lolita Mindset. I think anyone who has ever really embraced lolita fashion will find that it is something that stays with them for a very long time. It is such a unique and novel look that it sort of sticks in your mind, you find yourself inspecting the quality of lace on shirts, being drawn to bow, strawberry or cameo motifs, buying headbands to match every outfit and feeling naked without socks or stockings. Even if you’ve decided to go cold turkey and give up the fashion all together, you’ll probably still find part of your ‘lolita training’ is hard to let go. Accept that! Its OK, we all develop our style over time and these influences are natural.
• How to Begin. My first suggestion is to go out and buy a bunch of fashion magazines. High fashion, international, indie, alternative, as many different choices as you can find. Next, sit down with a pair of scissors and flip through them. Cut out anything that appeals to you and you could see yourself wearing. Don’t worry if none of these seem to match or keep to a theme. Either paste them in a scrapbook or pin them up on your wall to create an inspiration board. You could also do this entirely on your computer by collecting images online and making a desktop wallpaper of them.
• Create your own themes. This is where it starts to get exciting. Look at all those pictures you’ve just collected and start to identify themes. There might be certain colours that stand out to you, bright hues, jewel tones, dark shades, pastels or even neons. You may also be able to identify a feel to your choices, are they happy and playful? Moody and dark? Romantic and whimsical? Write down any words or terms that come to you and seem to suit your newly born style. Don’t worry if they completely contradict! Your style can be anything you want, from Hippy Pirate to Bookish Governess. You can also have more than one overall theme and switch between them as the mood suits.
• Play Dress Up! Armed with your inspiration collage and with your new themes in mind, its time to go shopping, but you won’t be spending any money just yet (unless you find something you need!) instead you are going to be trying on anything you like. I suggest doing this in bigger department stores so as to cause less work for the staff if this is possible. Try on whatever catches your fancy and suits your new themes and ideas, regardless of price range. Start mixing and matching with outfits to create accessories. This will give you an idea of which cuts and styles that you like also look good on you.
• Take it slowly. When making any big lifestyle changes, I suggest taking things slowly. If you sell all your lolita clothes overnight and then invest in a vintage wardrobe the next day you may regret it later. Find ways to incorporate your lolita style in to a more casual look. Wear your skirts with t-shirts, camisoles and cardigans. Try using a lolita accessory as a feature in another outfit. Keep your favourite pieces until you really feel ready to move on and sell the things you wear less often. Consider that you may still want to go to meet ups or wear it on occasion.
• Keep what you love. If you’re used to shopping online and only buying new clothes in the Lolita style, it might be a bit difficult to know where to begin with other styles. My suggestion is to look at what you love about lolita and use that to help you. Is it the feminine, girly designs? Old fashioned and historical styling? Childlike aesthetic? Understand that you can find these aspects in other looks if you give yourself the freedom to experiment. If you like the old fashioned look perhaps try vintage clothing. If you love Asian fashions, buy some magazines like Vivi for inspiration. I have never believed that a girl has to stick to just one style, that’s the fun of fashion, it gives you the chance to express many different sides of yourself!

I would love to hear about your experiences with changing fashion styles or tips for creating a new look! Mine is always a work in progress and I think we probably have a lot to teach each other.

photo by kiyoshi.be

Dear Princess,

My problem is, that i don´t have any friends. Of course i have friends from my class and but i really don´t feel that they are my real friends, because i don´t have anything serious to talk with them. I listen to visual kei for a long time already and i listen to classical music either. I´m shore i am a lolita by heart and i feel i have already found myself, but my problem is that i don´t have anyone, with who i can discuss about the music i listen, the books and films or talk about lolita fashion. I live in a little town, in a little country and i´m only thirteen. If i watch pictures of lolitas and read about tea parties, where there are together lots of people, who have the same interests and they are all connected by the fashion, I really feel that i am missing something really important. I don´t know how you could help me, i just had to tell my problem to someone. Just a kind word is enough too.

- Mai-Liis

Although we’re very lucky here at the Portal to have so many kindred spirits, it can be very hard in real life to find those that share our interests and ideals and who will understand and appreciate the lifestyle we choose for ourselves. I’ve spoken to many Princesses and Lolitas who feel alone in their town or city, and it makes me sad but grateful for the fact that we can still connect online.

Here are a few suggestions for Mai-Liis:

• Value the Friends you already have. When we make a big change in our lives, or take on a new interest, lifestyle or involving hobby sometimes we can feel a bit disconnected from our friends who are not apart of whatever is currently important to us. However, often it is the people who have known us the longest that know us best, and even if they don’t fully understand or wish to participate in your fashion or lifestyle, as long as they can accept you for who you are they can be an equally valuable and supportive part of your life. As they say, new friends are silver but old friends are gold.
• If there aren’t any Lolitas in your area look in to similar interests. This is the same for other subcultures and lifestyles. Perhaps you really enjoy sewing your outfits or making jewellery? You may be able to find friends who also share these hobbies even if their styles are different. Maybe you really like baking and tea parties? I’m sure you can find others who like sweets and tea as well! If its Japanese culture that takes your fancy contact the local Anime and Cosplay groups. Look outside the box a little and you will find that you’re not so isolated, you may even be able to interest others in your style!
• Find a Penpal. Its a little more old fashioned than MSN/AIM but having a dear friend in another country or city from yours may help you to feel connected. Its a lot of fun too! You can send each other little gifts and talk about the interests you share, making each letter a treasured keepsake that will mean more to you than any email. If you’re looking for a lolita penpal, there is a community on livejournal for this purpose: Lolita Letters.
• Use the Internet to connect. The Internet is still a great way to find a sense of community for smaller hobbies and interests and also to connect with people living locally who share your loves. I don’t think I would have met half of the lolitas I know now in my Kingdom without it. It also allows me to have friends all over the world who share my love for the lifestyle and Princess ideal. Just make sure that if you’re meeting people you’ve met online for the first time that you do so in a public place with a friend or relative by your side.

Do you ever feel isolated as a Princess or Lolita? Perhaps you have a story about how you made a new friend that could help Mai-Liis? I would love to hear about your experiences as well!

photo by candinski

Dear Princess Skye,

Can princesses look fairly unattractive? My face is covered in blemishes, and I can see many flaws on my face.

Now, I know it’s okay not to look perfect, but in all the pictures I see of Lolitas, they’re all beautiful.

Can I still be a Lolita?

- Morgan

Morgan’s question, while simple, is a very important one. Do you have to be beautiful to be a Princess? Traditional fairy tale princesses were known for their long golden locks, perfect complexion, full lashes and gentle eyes, even in modern books and movies Princesses are, more often than not, depicted as beautiful. Blemishes, scars, crooked teeth and chubby arms don’t often come in to the picture.

I believe that yes, you do have to be beautiful to be a Princess. You didn’t just read that wrong, let me explain. I think if you believe that you are ugly and unattractive you will find it very difficult to feel like a Princess. In a society that places so much important on physical appearance, a good deal of our self esteem is based on how we look, and how that appearance is judged my our culture. The ideal of beauty we see in magazines and film stars is just that, a product of culture (and sometimes photoshop) it is no divine rule. In different eras and parts of the world the idea of beauty has varied enormously. Think about it, just over 100 years ago women didn’t even shave their legs! Paintings and sculpture from the classical periods feature curvy, wide hipped and small breasted women. What is ‘perfect’ seems to change fairly often!

Learning to love the way you look is no small challenge, for any of us. It is not something I can even cover in the space of this post but I can give a few small suggestions to start with. First of all, don’t worry about being ‘Vain.’ I think the majority of women could do with being more in love with themselves, rather than less. It is not a sin to be happy with your appearance, or proud of it, so don’t be afraid to admit it when you look particularly nice. Focus on the aspects of your appearance you do like, perhaps you have acne but the most wonderful pearly white teeth? The more you smile and show those off, the less anyone is going to notice your spots.

Of course, I think one of the best tricks is to learn to look at yourself in the mirror properly. Often we glance at these reflective surfaces merely to pick out flaws, rather than looking at ourselves as a whole. That person looking back at you is your best friend, closest confidante and the most important person in the whole world. Learn to love her and smile every time you see her, and you’ll be amazed that over time you start to see a lot more than the surface smiling back. Make friends with your little Anne or Emily or Sarah or Mary-in-the-mirror!

In regards to Lolita, it is a fashion and as with most fashions, brands like to display their clothes on models who suit them. Therefore a lot of the lolita photos you see in magazines are models picked for their cuteness and lolita-look, you shouldn’t compare yourself to them any more than you should to models in Vogue. You are you, and if Lolita appeals to you, wear it for your own pleasure and you’ll probably find that its very hard not to feel pretty in all those ruffles and pin tucks!

We all have our flaws and insecurities, I do as well, but learning to look at and love yourself as a whole is a very big part of finding your inner Princess and the beauty within.

photo by AeraphimC

In the past few weeks I have received an unfortunate number of emails from girls who are having problems with online drama and bullying. Its a controversial topic, and something that is particularly prevalent in the Lolita Fashion communities. So, although I may be inviting more trouble by discussing it here, I feel that it is an important issue to address and I hope this will be useful to both those currently dealing with such situations, and those just starting out in an online community.

I was an active member of J-fashion communities for several years and have experienced a fair amount of drama and harassment myself, so some of this advice comes from experience. However as I withdrew from such forums a while back, I also decided to ask some of my good friends for their thoughts on the topic and they gave me some fantastic insights to share with you here.

Why do people bully and start drama?

There are many reasons and factors that create this kind of mentality. Usually a large part of it is insecurity. People who are not happy and confident in who they are, compare themselves to others to try and establish some self worth. Often this means pushing others down so that they can rise up. This might give them a feeling of superiority, of being better than those they criticise and it holds up their ego.

Another reason people start Drama is simply boredom. This happens just as much in real life as online. They crave the emotional stimulation and entertainment. It also gives them the attention they crave, even if its negative attention. A lot of bullies are just lonely, bored people looking for some stimulation.

Online bullying especially is a very safe way to express this. They can be faceless, anonymous and say harmful things and still feel somewhat safe and separate from their words. They can create a online reputation for being harsh and, in their mind perhaps, stronger because they would not have the nerve to be so aggressive in person. Whenever they want to escape they can log off, and they don’t have to face up to the people they are hurting.

There is no good excuse for stirring drama and bullying others, but it helps to try and understand where these people are coming from. Its important to realise that most of the time, their behaviour is not about you and they don’t really hate you. A lot of it is misdirected anger, hate and frustration with themselves. People that are really happy, intelligent and confident don’t need to criticise others, they can love and accept other people as they are because they love and accept themselves. Keep this in mind and perhaps you will even have a bit of sympathy for those who behave this way.

How can you prevent being the target of online bullying?

Its not always possible to avoid harassment. Unfortunately if you make yourself visible online, especially if you post photos of yourself then you may become a target for criticism. There are a few steps you can take to minimalise it though, or at least the effect it will have on you.

• Don’t Participate. The best way to stay out of drama is simply not to take part. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you get involved in drama or attack others online, chances are someone’s going to bite back at some point. Stay out of communities devoted solely to this behaviour and don’t participate in discussions that seem to be inflammatory on the regular forums.
• Do your research. A portion of the negative feedback directed mostly at new members is caused by them asking simple basic questions to which the answers are easily available already. People get frustrated at being asked the same thing over and over again because these new members are too lazy to research. It often pays when you join a community to lurk for a while. Read all the rules and FAQs, get a feel of what is good etiquette there and if you have a question, try looking for the answer yourself before asking.
• Monitor your own behaviour. Just as in real life, the way you behave when meeting a new group of people will determine, in some part, how they treat you. Be polite, respectful and patient and listen to those that have more experience than you. That doesn’t mean you have to take their word as law, but it will give you an understanding of what is generally accepted in the community. Present yourself well by typing properly, using a spell checker if need be and acting maturely and intelligently.

How do you handle drama and bullying when you are targeted?

• Don’t take it too seriously. I think a lot of the problems caused in online communities are simply because people take the group and themselves too seriously. Hobbies are meant to be fun, fashion is meant to be enjoyable. No one is going to get hurt if you make a small mistake, so don’t stress over it. Being able to laugh at yourself in good humour is important. Being able to laugh over drama is far more healthy than being embroiled in it like a life or death match. At the end of the day, does it really matter?
• Learn from and be grateful for Criticism. Sometimes criticism is not bullying and actually constructive. Its important to recognize when someone is actually trying to help and give good advice. Don’t take every criticism as a personal attack, and even if its not phrased as politely and constructively as it could be, try and gain something from it. Better yet, say thank you! Not only will it diffuse the situation, but if the person is a bully it will catch them completely off guard!
• Handle is with Grace. The best way to deal with any drama, bullying or negative press is gracefully. Don’t respond when you’re angry and frustrated, don’t fight back or tell people how upset they’ve made you because that is exactly what they want. Be cool, composed and mature. If it has upset you, wait until you’ve calmed down before responding, or if it doesn’t need a response (and often this is the case) just ignore it. If you don’t give them any attention bullies will usually grow bored of you and move on.
• Talk to your Support Network. It can be very painful and upsetting when people are attacking you and spreading lies and rumours. Even if you’re dealing with it gracefully, it really helps to talk to your close friends and family who can give you the support and reassurance you need. Having other people who can laugh at it with you and assure you that they know you and love you better than that is the best cure I know of.
• Don’t go looking for it. If you know people are posting nasty things about you, don’t read them. If need be, ask your friends not to tell you about it. Don’t join hate communities just to see if you or your friends are posted there, that’s just feeding and supporting the fear they want to create. Stay out of it, stay away from it and find more enjoyable ways to spend your time online. If a community you like seems to be beset by constant drama, talk to the moderators, if they’re unwilling to do anything then move on. Find somewhere else to discuss your hobbies. Its like walking in to a dingy bar when there’s a nice cafe across the road, if it isn’t a fun and enjoyable atmosphere then why hang out there?

  I’ve tried to cover the best tips I have to prepare you for dealing with bullying and drama. I sincerely hope that you will never need to use them, but I can tell you from experience that at very least, it does help you develop a thicker skin and that’s not always a bad thing. There is no greater test of your own self assurance and maturity than having to deal with situations like this.

  

  tags: bullying, community, drama, lolita, online culture
  
  

By now you might well have heard of the amazing Sabrina of Sabatomic who I have collaborated with for several projects and who took many of the gorgeous photos you see on Princess Portal. We actually met just under a year ago at Perth’s local Anime Convention, Wai-con. Sab was there taking photos of Cosplayers and other people in interesting outfits and approached me about doing a photoshoot together. I was really impressed by her work and it sounded like a lot of fun so I agreed!

The concept for the shoot was The Life of a Doll, showing a somewhat stylised day in the life of a Lolita. We picked several of my favourite outfits and shot in five different locations over the course of nearly six months. It was a huge learning experience for both of us, and also created a lot of fun memories which have led to us becoming good friends.

Recently Sab had these images printed in to a beautiful hard bound book for me, as a birthday gift, and I loved them so much I wanted to share them with you.

Credits
Photography, Postwork, Direction: Sabrina Wong
Model, Styling, Makeup: Princess Skye

I have a teeny tiny question of my own..I hope you’ll be able to answer sometime.
My question is: Are you still a lolita? The thing is, since a long time ago your sense of style changed…you stopped wearing your lolita clothes. - Rosebud

I’ve chosen this question to answer from Rosebud, partially because its fashion week and partially because I’m surprised more people haven’t questioned my gradual shift away from Lolita Fashion! If you’re new to this blog, or unsure of what ‘Lolita’ is you can read a brief explanation here.

To answer Rosebud’s question simply, yes I am still a Lolita. However it has a different place in my life these days. I first discovered lolita fashion about four years ago. I was working at a trendy little cafe and a girl walked in wearing the most amazing costume I’d ever seen. I couldn’t help but ask her about it, and she told me it was from Japan, by a brand called Putumayo and that the style was known as ‘Lolita.’ I went home that night, did some research and fell in love with the look. Things were a lot different back then, the online community was smaller and more DIY inclined because it was still hard to access brand clothing outside of Japan. Most of the people interested in the fashion were also keen on Japanese rock and Visual Kei, Mana being a hugely popular icon and the gothic substyle was by far the most popular in the west.

It wasn’t long before I found myself wearing my first lolita outfit, a black one piece dress by Metamorphose. I also had a parasol which I still own and handmade headdress. I wore this ensemble with carefully curled hair to the first Perth lolita meet up and tea party, which I helped organize with a friend. From there I taught myself to sew, started getting interested in classic and sweet styles, ran panels on japanese fashion at the local convention, made friends both local and international who shared by interests, started to write about the fashion and lifestyle, ran an online PbP RPG with a lolita theme (It was called Spilt Milk) joined a lolita photo posting group called Himitsu no Niwa and eventually created this blog! As you can see Lolita has had a huge impact on my life.

Four years is a very long time to be devoted to anything however, and as I see fashion as a form of self expression I think its natural that our style should change as we grow and develop as Princesses. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your look has to become more mature, for some people its quite the opposite, but having fun and experimenting and trying different styles is a great way to discover parts of you that you were previously unfamiliar with. For example when I put on a full length vintage dress, feel the soft folds of cotton sweep around my feet as I walk it puts me in touch with a romantic, naturalistic side. When I try something darker, or edgier it makes me feel more intense, or a little cheeky. Casual clothes allow you more freedom of movement and can be cute and playful.

So where am I headed right now? I’m developing my own style with a mixture of influences, from fairytales to the 50’s, romantic, unusual, natural, unique. I love trying new things and dressing up to suit a theme or character. Thats part of what attracted me to lolita in the first place, the novelty, its a fashion with a very distinctive personality and you feel different the moment you put it on!

Lolita still has a very special place in my heart. My wardrobe is full of Baby the stars shine bright, Angelic pretty, Mary Magdalene and I have no intention of selling them any time soon. I’m still organizing lolita meet ups and running panels and wearing it now and then to events, just for fun! I no longer wear it on a daily basis, or have it as an exclusive style though and I haven’t been keeping up with the new season’s lines or adding to my wardrobe. Who knows though, the wind may change again and I might find a resurge of interest in the style! Right now I’m just happy being me and dressing in whatever makes me feel like a Princess.

I was a little bit naughty and started reading this book before I had finished my other ones, but I couldn’t help myself! I just love the film so much, I’ve watched it many many times and whenever I feel a little down or disillusioned I watch it and it cheers me up.

Kamikaze Girls is the american title for Novala Takemoto’s novel Shimotsuma Monogatari and the movie they made of it. I’m not really sure why they changed the title but it is still Shimotsuma Story to me so I shall refer to it as that. This is the story of two young japanese girls, one an independant, solitary lolita, the other a Yanki and a member of a female biker gang. It seems unlikely they would ever be friends, in fact the Lolita, Momoko, doesn’t want any friends at all but gradually they come to understand and respect eachother. It is an interesting look at the various japanese sub cultures and their differing ideals and values. I also find it a very heartwarming story.

I really love Momoko, not because she is a perfect lolita but because she is quite a flawed character and this makes her interesting. She really doesn’t care much about others and is quite selfish - she’s even aware of this and seems proud of it. I think she really grows a lot through the story and develops as a character.

The translation seemed a little awkward actually, I’m not sure how close it was to the japanese original but it didn’t flow very well. It was easy to read and enjoyable but I felt they had tried to americanize it quite a bit, I would rather that they kept some of the japanese slang and terms in there and provided an explanation rather than using american terms that aren’t really synonymous. Just a warning for readers, there is a lot of swearing in this book.

I am glad I bought the book because there are some real gems in here, one of my favourite lines was; “When you find something really precious, you have to hold on to it with all your might and never let it go, whatever else you may loose. After all, there are lots of people that die without finding something that’s really precious to them.” However I think I enjoyed the movie more. Someday I would like to read the original japanese book and see how different it is.

I finally have a day off work and it is no less busy! This morning the Prince and I left early to run errands only to return home and find the weather changed from sunny and fine to heavy rains :rainy: My realm is quite prone to experiencing all four seasons in the space of a day. After noon I had an interview for a new position, which I was successful in securing. I’m looking forward to starting there next week.

I am very happy that my “Kyoko Fukada in Shimotsuma Monogatari” photo book arrived today! It is full of such beautiful images :hearttwo: The first half of the book contains photoshoots of the lovely Miss Fukada in various lolita dresses. There are some very imaginitive settings that have given me lots of ideas for my own shoots! I wish I had a real photography studio though, the lighting in my Palace is not suited to it at all. The second half of the book is full of stills from the movie, as well as behind-the-scenes pictures and interviews. It is quite fascinating for a fangirl such as I!

Shimotsuma Monogatari holds a very special place in my heart, and I watch it whenever I’m feeling down or uninspired. It lifts my spirits and reminds me why I love Lolita.. and it makes me want all her pretty dresses too! :bow: