How do I live like a lolita? Should I drink nothing but tea? Curtsey to everyone I meet? Laugh daintily behind a lace handkerchief? The answer is; only if you want to.
Many girls who are new to lolita fashion and still in the magical phase where every ruffle and row of lace brings a new thrill, where panniers are fascinating and the choice of lace edged knee socks seems nearly endless, riding on this excitement and fascination, this wonder at how perfectly beautiful it all seems, want to introduce this new found love in to every aspect of their life. A little bow, a hint of lace, doesn’t it make anything more lovely? Rediscovering the urge to be feminine and frivolous seems worthy of a renaissance of one’s life. These fresh faced lolitas may dream of tea parties in manor gardens and writing elegant letters on marbled paper or baking sweet cakes and making new friends.
On the other side of this, some more seasoned lolitas begin to tire of the same image. They have seen the jumperskirts with the bustles, they have a wardrobe full of cutsews and one pieces and pretty Mary janes and it all begins to blend together and become the same. They only get a little bit excited about the new season’s clothes, because really, they’re not all that different to the last. Beginning to lose some of the magic they once found in this structured, defined fashion they try to break away. In a sense, rebel, from its roots without ever really letting go of these dresses that once made them feel like little girls again. They may seek some other way to express the loves that drew them to lolita to begin with, elegance, extravagance, nostalgia and femininity amoung others.
In the end there really is no such thing as ‘The Lolita Lifestyle,’ there is no set of rules one must follow, no code of behavior or list of accomplishments. Nothing is required to be lolita, other than to dress as one (and even that is debatable). This said, there is such thing as ‘A Lolita Lifestyle,’ in fact there are many of them, such different lives as lived by lolitas all over the world can be said to each in their own way be a lolita lifestyle. The distinction is very important. The first is definitive and all encompassing, the imaginary ideal that all Lolitas must live a certain way and behave as befits the clothing - this is the false concept and in fact few (perhaps none) who actually aim to live as lolitas believe in this. Only the detractors of this so called ‘Lolita Lifestyle’ seem concerned with its imaginary rules and regulations. The second is oh-so-different, for it is personal and unique to each individual. They create it for themselves and it is simply that which brings them greater enjoyment from Lolita.
To understand how there could even be such a thing as a lifestyle, we must look closely at lolita culture. The Culture of lolita most definitely exists, whether one is interested in it or not. Lolita was born at a crossroads, between Japanese pop culture and european history and it maintains features of both parents, while being a little unique in itself. One has only to flip through a Gothic Lolita Bible to see a myriad of examples of this culture, Alice sits next to Marie Antoinette as Mana and Novala share their sentiments (one silently, one in page upon page of words) J-rockers and Fairies and Disney’s Princesses join them at this strange tea party where themed food is served, everything from blood red soup to angel cakes. Music plays, it is classical but they are singing in Japanese. The discussion is of books and films, Tim Burton and Beatrix Potter. On the walls hangs the artwork of Macoto, Cicely Mary Barker and Trevor Brown. No subculture is ever just fashion, put a group of people together who love a style and you find they share many other loves.
Just as it is unlikely that any lolita should like everything they find in the culture, it is also unlikely that all Lolitas should share the same idea of a ‘lifestyle.’ Each is drawn to this novel, exaggerated yet elegant style for different reasons, though usually they recognise something in all the lace and pin tucks that is already familiar to them. Whether it is a decadence as only found in their favourite period novels and films or a simple love of dressing up and feeling girly and pretty, there are too numerous answers to count for why we wear Lolita fashion. None is more valid than the other and likewise there are numerous ‘lolita lifestyles’ all equally real and valid.
If there are so many different variations of this ‘lolita lifestyle’ then how can it exist at all? This brings us back to an earlier point, It doesn’t. The only lolita lifestyle there is, is the way each girl enjoys the fashion. It is the sum of all the things she does that bring her greater enjoyment and involvement with Lolita fashion and culture. Most lolitas have a sort of ideal of lolita that is personal to them, it can be anything from a Victorian lady, to a Japanese stage idol, an innocent young maiden to a creepy gothic doll or even none of these things but something completely different that serves as an inspiration. Lolita is almost an excuse, in a way, to explore these ideals. Usually there are existing hobbies and interests, the same ones that attracted us to lolita and these form a part of our lifestyle. Sometimes we are lucky enough to discover new things, learn new skills and make new friends through Lolita and these become part of our life as well. The only thing that they share in common is a connection to the fashion and culture, with all its styles and colours.
For a few girls, who are unable to wear the lolita fashion for whatever reason, a lack of support from their family, impractical occupations, being too young or not having the funds for such an extravagant style, having some form of Lolita Lifestyle can be their only way of enjoying the culture. They may not wear the clothes but they can still be ‘Lolitas at Heart’ and who is to say that is any less valid? It is less common now, but several years past when lolita clothing was a much rarer thing in the west there were more lolitas at heart and possibly then the culture was more about enjoying than aquiring.
One of the greatest criticisms of this lifestyle concept is that it is in some way forced. It should never be forced. Changing your opinions, behaviour and interests in a way that is not natural to your personality and likes is not living the lolita lifestyle, it is conforming to someone elses ideal. There is no on ideal that is right, that should be accepted by all and forced on those who wish to wear the clothing, there is only our own individual inspirations which should be fun to explore and fulfilling to accept as a part of our life.
The Lolita Lifestyle is expressing yourself through and enjoying activities that make you feel Lolita. Whatever that may be. If it’s being playful and childish and going to amusement parks and eating lots of candy, then that is your lolita lifestyle. If it’s sitting in your garden drinking tea and reading Jane Austen, then that is your lolita lifestyle. If it’s going to clubs and seeing the latest bands and joining Visual Kei fanclubs, then that is your lolita lifestyle. Even if it’s just dressing up and hanging out in the mall with your friends and drinking bubble tea and taking purikura, that is still your Lolita Lifestyle. Enjoy it, explore it, define it - don’t let it define you.
copyright 2008 princess skye / fatalfille. Not to be reposted without permission.
